A lot of people like to joke and say that I'm high maintenance, a control freak, Rachel Berry's tether. Maybe there's something to that. All of it boils down to anxiety. I've tried communicating this with my peers at times however not everyone believes that there's a vulnerable side to me.
Is it misogynoir? Is it sexism?
Eh, I don't know and I don't care. I know my anxiety can send me spiralling into a cesspit of anxiousness energy so I feel the need to plan out everything. It helps me feel in control. People may not understand my methods and that's okay.
That being said, we're learning new techniques to deal with anxiety!
One thing I am getting better at is letting things be trash. Letting things fail and learning from that. For example, I was going to performing a 20 minute set but honestly, I don't think the song is going to sound good so it's getting cut. Hours of rehearsals gone to shit but hey ho, that doesn't matter - part of the process innit.
Another thing I'm NOT going to do is create a skirt from scratch....yes apparently I was supposed to make a skirt from scratch. THAT is not happening anymore. I AM wearing a feather ensemble though (because you know I have the flare for the dramatics).
I have a high standard for my art, like most musicians do - sometimes that's to my detriment. But recently, seeing the beauty in the fuckery that is being a self-sufficient, self-funded musician living in London working a 9-5. It's a mess, and that's okay. The sky feels like it's falling, maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But regardless, I have to get on with it.
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