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Loser of the Year (yup that's me!)

Loser, (both the remix and the original track) have been out for a very long time. But making this track took longer than I had originally anticipated. With the first track only taking 6 months to make (when you are including the video) why did the remix take a year?

The short answer is COVID-19. But it is a bit deeper than that.

Before I delve into the inner workings of this single, please note that this is a simplified recounting of the year. There were several other caveats that affected the making of this track that I cannot expand on - this is just an overview.

But here is the timeline of Loser - The Remix:

November/December 2021 - Paid £250 to a videographer as a deposit. Originally the plan was to film in an open-air location, such as a barn, to make sure we were in line with COVID guidelines at the time.

January - March 2022 - Finish paying off the deposit. I asked a friend to help with the guitar, but they got COVID in February. Due to other commitments, I decided to ask someone else to record the guitar for me to take the pressure of them (however they sent their guitar parts later down the line and you can hear that near the end of the song!)

April 2022 - Moved house. Moving house is expensive. This delayed things a bit (especially because we got kicked out of our house therefore it meant a lot of rushing).

May 2022 - Paid £200 for the guitar to be done by someone else.

Also suffered discrimination at my previous workplace. There were not forthcoming about a work event which included a 45-minute walk. This worsened my symptoms meaning I had to go to the hospital. Got diagnosed with something called peripheral neuropathy. It became seriously hard to walk, work in person full-time and look after myself. June - July 2022 - Suffered more discrimination at work therefore I decided to find a new job. I was extremely lucky to find a job which allowed remote working but the stresses of that meant that the song was further delayed.

August - September 2022 - At this point, I am in a grieving period. I am in an immense amount of pain; I am grieving the activities I used to be able to do and in the meantime; I am trying to finish this track. I end up producing it myself because I do not have the energy to wait any longer (which in hindsight, I wish I did but I did not have the funds to pay a producer - that period in between waiting for your next paycheque sucks).

September 2022 - My videographer and I parted ways which meant losing the deposit for my music video. She was obviously upset that there had been a breakdown of communication and I tried to communicate that the change of circumstances meant that I could not do what was previously planned. She tried to accommodate as best as she could, but she also said she did not need to follow “previous government guidelines.” Even though I said that the risk of catching COVID to someone who was immunocompromised meant that there could be complications in the long run – there was a refusal to compromise and take precautions.

We went our separate ways.

Now, I want to clarify; I adore this song. I was able to convey my “Anusha-isms” perfectly. But at the same time, making this song was exhausting.

Not having people understand your position in life really hinders your progress. It means people are unwilling to meet you where you are. It means projects go unfinished. It means your quality of life decreases because people refuse to see the value in you.

I do not think there is such a thing as a “failed” year. But I did not achieve what I wanted to. However, this song has over 300 views on Spotify already and has been played on the radio by Jasmine Kahlia. It was not all bad. Thank you to everyone who helped and tried to help with this single release. I could not do it without you. Lastly, I implore those who hold positions of power and/or privilege to lend a hand to those who do not have the same resources as you do. Even if it would temporarily inconvenience yourself. Without acts of care and kindness, marginalised artists will stop making art. Not because they want to, because they cannot.

On the 15th December, I am running a 2 hour Zoom talk called "How To Perform On Zoom". It will go over the key details you need to think about before holding a virtual performance. The talk is free to attend and you can also donate to my Paypal if you so please. Register your interest here.

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